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Big knife pillow talk

03/23/2010

The other night Mommy Mojo and I were going to bed.  I was about to start reading my book when she had one of her questions that would befuddle Jack Handy.

“Sweetie, I decided that if an intruder comes into the house then I would take Jake, run out the house with my phone and call 911.  What would you do?”

“We’ll, if I were stuck in the bedroom then I’d probably get the big knife”, I said.

I thought she knew about the big knife in the bedroom.  “We have a big knife in the bedroom!?”, she said.  At this point I suspected that my evening reading was probably not going to happen so I rolled out of the bed and proceeded to get the big knife. 

It’s kept in my underwear drawer, so that way I can feign getting my socks or underwear when any burglars come in.  ‘Oh, one moment Mr. Intruder, let me get some new socks on and I’ll show you where the valuables are…’, then I’d take the knife and get all Steven Segal on that predator.

I take the big knife out of the underwear drawer and my wife says, “Sweetie, that’s the big knife?You call that a knife eh...

I wasn’t sure if I should run out and get the kitchen knife in my underwear drawer or lobby again for guns in the Mojo house.

Granted, in the kitchen, it’s not a big knife, but big is all relative.  You put that knife someplace where you’re not expecting a knife, then it’s big.  I put a tube of chap stick beside it so you can get a true scale of it’s blade.

Come to find out the big knife is a custom made cutter that can’t be duplicated.  It was given to me on my 16th birthday, at the time a rather odd present I thought.   My name is engraved on the edge of the blade and it’s something that I can pass down to Baby Mojo; so he can keep it in his underwear drawer when his wife won’t let him get a gun. 

Mommy Mojo loves to ask deep questions right when we’re about to go to sleep.

True conversation

Mommy Mojo:  Sweetie, would you still love me if  I had amnesia?

Daddy Mojo:  Yes, sweetie.  I’d still love you if you had amnesia and when you asked me why we had 10 dogs I’d say, ‘sweetie, we had 10 dogs before you were sick, you don’t remember them?’

Since my big knife was ridiculed I’m going to lobby for something more effective to fight home intruders with, like a cross-bow.  I’ll put a catherine wheel in the corner just in case I need to get all Sir Lancelot on that predator.

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